The arrival of Eye from Zion, a specialist Israeli NGO of ophthalmologists, appears to have presented our Holy politicians with their best campaign fodder yet.
There must have been much strategising and pulling together of ranks among them. One can almost hear the tactics and the commands now at the Holy Politicians HQ (HPHQ). Wouldn’t it be nice to be a fly on the wall?
In the spirit of transparent governance – a la Julian Assange – yours truly is publishing below a sort of MuniLeak; transcribed excerpts from a secret meeting at the HPHQ situation room that never of course happened last week. Here is what one might have imagined being discussed by key campaign strategists during a brainstorming session on how to get the most political mileage out of Israel and its band of doctors.
The session was led by a man – true identity hidden from view by a balaclava fashioned from a beard connected to a turban – who assigned tasks for each set of key players among important HPs:
“You, the academics and the professionals, take to the airwaves immediately – you find a way to ground this hatred in theology. Buy airtime on national TV. Make sure you get a doctor in, perhaps a lawyer too.
Get a Holy Joe Public as well. Discuss, in an appropriately learned circle, the hypothesis that Eyes = Zionism. Infer, in scholarly tones, that the woman who leaves her eyes uncovered is an undercover Zionist. Espouse the dangerous links that Eye Care and the optics chain must surely have with Zionists – just look at their logo. It has an eye on it, only a fool would be blind to what they are really saying: I heart Zionists.
Anecdotal evidence works well with the audience. The doctor must have a few personal stories to tell – how about one where he eyeballed a Zionist in a white coat lurking around the eye surgery…? We must also find one among us who would be willing to testify on record – “Zionists took my eyes!” Can we upload his testimony on YouTube, perhaps?
Meanwhile, any elected government official must use their position to get the message across loud and clear: we must hate Jews to love Palestinians. Get the Friday Sermon – that’s the key – there is no other audience quite as captive, or suggestible, as those seeking religious guidance.
All those men, unable to leave until we have finished what we are saying – no matter what we say. Brilliant! If we can get them to take to the streets afterwards, we have it. Excellent. How should we approach this?
We must use the Qur’an, it is our most powerful tool. Remember that Dutch politician, that MP Geert Wilders? I know, he hates Islam and Muslims, but a good tactic is a good tactic – whoever uses it. Wilders found ways to pick and choose verses from the Qur’an to make the outrageous claim that our Holy Book sanctioned the 11 September 2001 attacks.
He made a film out of it, super-imposing verses of Qur’an on video footage of the attacks. Despicable.
Unlike Wilders, we are not abusing the Qur’an to spread hatred against Muslims, we are using it to spread hatred against Jews – that makes our actions right and Wilders’ obviously wrong. The end always justifies the means (and the contents) of the message – let’s not forget Goebbels’ genius!
Hands up if you like the idea. Right, we have a consensus. We must get a government official in a high place to execute the plan. We already have the power of the sanctity of the Islamic Centre behind us, if we can give maximum possible authority to the voice that speaks from its pulpit on Friday, we’ll nail it. Any suggestions? Yes – getting an elected government official from the Islamic Ministry itself, with a doctorate, that is a good plan. Excellent. You are worried that we may not be able to locate such a figure?
You think that no one with that level of education and such high office would be willing to use their knowledge and position to incite hatred? Leave it to me – I know for a fact there is at least one who would think it an honour, a privilege and a right.
The Holy Shopkeepers – they must all contribute a roll of blue and white cloth from their fabric shops. The Holy Wives at home, they must begin embroidering the Star of David, double-quick. By the time the sun begins to set on Friday, if we get even half the people who were urged to hate Jews at the noon sermon to appear on the streets with their freshly made Israeli flags to burn and messages of hatred written in English to hoist, we are half-way there.
Throughout all this, we should continue our successful tactics for setting the news agenda.
First we must make absolutely sure that the media remain wholly oblivious to the obvious: Israel is not home to Jews only; Israel is not the only home of Jews. Make sure the media does not mention the million plus Muslims who are Israelis and make up 30 percent of the country’s population.
Avoid at all costs, also, any media recollection of the history of Maldivian relations with Israel, established in the 1970s. This would make it seem like these are relations established just recently – the political leverage we can achieve from that my brothers, is boundless.
The media, also, appears to have little or no idea that there are many different ways in which hundreds of thousands of people across the world – Muslim and non-Muslim – daily demonstrate their empathy with the Palestinian plight and their disagreement with Israeli policies without resorting to anti-Semitism, hatred and violence.
If we remove any connections between realpolitik and the ongoing Israel/Palestine conflict, we can easily reduce the complexities of the situation to a simple equation: loving Palestinians = hating Jews.
Campaign tactics always work when they are simple. What a beauty this one is. Nor must there be anything in the media about the long Maldivian tradition of support for the Palestinian cause without ever needing to hate either Israel or Jews.
People must not remember such draconian traditions – peace is passé. We all know that this type of tolerance among Maldivians is born out of the ignorance of the Right Islam. Remember, the ultimate goal is to make them believe most of the last two millennia never happened – that is the key to our perpetual rule.
Speaking of setting the news agenda – we must always remember to thank God for how lucky we are to have the type of media we do. None of our counterparts in any other democracy across the world has it so easy – we are blessed here with a free media that has no idea of its powers or responsibilities, and remains wholly unbound by any such thing as a code of ethics or a set of principles by which to abide. Fourth Estate, Public Watchdog,
Muckraker…these are concepts that are yet to even enter the realm of Maldivian media consciousness. Glory be!
If any of you feel a bit guilty about the visually impaired who are denied treatment, just think of this: for every Maldivian whose heart is filled with anti-Semitism, who had never before thought of separating Jews from other human beings solely on the basis of their religion and now does so, the world moves one step closer to finding a solution for the Israel/Palestine conflict.
We must ensure that our progress along this noble path is recorded. Not just for posterity but also for the present. We must appreciate the value that every single picture of a man, woman or child burning an Israeli flag is worth a thousand – Rufiyaa? Riyal? Dollar? AFA?
Our donors would have documentary proof, with those pictures, that we are worth all the money they are pouring into us. Every picture is evidence that we attained our goal of increasing the number of Muslims who hate. That we have managed to spread this message of hate amongst a people who were at peace for centuries – that is our biggest success so far.
Let us continue on our glorious path –remember this: only reason can resist us. Let us ensure fanatical hatred leaves little room for rational thought.”
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