Gayoom and Human Rights Day

Human Rights Day is not a particularly well marked or well recognized day in the Maldives. Not surprising really, when one considers that human rights – particularly civil and political rights – are not recognized either.

Gayoom, as a rule, loves celebrating different occasions and “days”. Give him a “Tooth Fairy Day” and he will come out with an impressive statement about the significance of the day and its importance on Islam and the Maldivian way of life. Such “days” give the despot opportunities to hog the limelight and to generally impress his subjects on his wisdom and profundity. However one will be hard pressed to recall Gayoom getting excited about Human Rights Day. “Rights”, for Gayoom, is an obscenity, probably a Zionist plot to oppress Muslims and gain world domination. Perhaps, part of a diabolic plan by Christian Missionaries to usurp the wealth of the Muslim Umma.

Rights, justice, democracy and freedom are fuzzy, messy concepts that disturb despots in general. Gayoom is no exception. One would not expect Hitler, Pol Pot, Stalin and mentor Saddam to get excited about such untidy ideals – forget celebrating them as a special occasion. So, when pressed, Gayoom will pay lip service to such concepts and tailor-make them in his own image, making them “unique” and adoptable to his rather perverted interpretation of Islam and Maldivian culture. After all the great and wise heroic Zaim knows what is best for his flock. As the Great Leader he needs to protect his people from alien concepts that will undermine the purity of Islam and Maldivian culture.

That precisely, is why he and his minions’ propagate the view that human rights – unless practiced “uniquely” – would lead to homosexuality, moral degradation, erosion of Islamic values and generally pave the way for setting up of Christian churches in Maldives. Gayoom, as proved by his impassioned speeches among brothers in the Arab world, can be pretty xenophobic when it comes to human rights. Like others of his ilk, Gayoom is a great believer in cultural relativism – especially when it comes to fuzzy and untidy concepts such as democracy and human rights. So, like mentor Saddam Hussein before him, Gayoom practices – and does a pretty neat job of it, mind you – “Unique Democracy”. Under this sensitized version of human rights the subjects, for example, would have an inalienable right to be democratically oppressed under Gayoom’s autocratic rule. How else could a dictator guarantee Islam under unique way of life?

We, the subjects of Gayoom, have the right to every type of right one can aspire to: freedom of association, expression, assembly, the right to equality before the law, the right to a fair trial, all. Furthermore, as proof, all these fancy rights are clearly enshrined in the constitution. The only caveat being that we the subjects must not entertain any subversive notions of actually practicing these neat little gems. Our human rights are unique and hence must be preserved in its pristine condition. Gayoom our Beloved Leader, the Guardian Angle of Human Rights in Maldives works tirelessly, night and day, to preserve the “Unique” human rights he has so graciously bestowed upon his flock.

Given the uniqueness of our Gayoom-given human rights, it would be unreasonable for us, the subjects of Gayoom, to get excited about a universally accepted human rights day. Unfortunately we live in an interdependent, globalised world and in order to stay economically afloat our Great Leader is forced to appease the international community by pretending to adhere to international norms – even when it comes to messy concepts such as human rights. Perhaps we can compromise by making a deal with the international community whereby the Maldivians celebrate Human Rights Day on the 29th of February. That way our Great Leader will be traumatized only once every four years. The rest of the days would be Dictator’s Rights Days.